It was the first time I had seen you again. I want to write that it was awful; and I suppose it was, awfully awkward anyway. You’d deny that I know, you’d shake your head, half smile, and shrug your shoulders in your own patronizing way. But I wouldn’t mind. It would just be you, and that’s just how you are. I still know, which is why its so horrible. Because I still know you inside out, and I know you know that we both know that we still know and its still the same. The only difference now is the situation. Im still appalled at the way you acted back then, and I still want to hate you for it. I knew the hate was fading, and I couldn’t be rude, so I made up for it. I had thought it would be a good idea; to make me hate you again. I regret it, which is what I expected, but I didn’t think it would make me shake, make my heart race, loose my focus, stir me up and turn me upside down. Biting is a short, quick, but harsh pain, which makes you cry out. And its usually followed by a burst of anger.“I don’t bite” is what you said; but every word you say, and every time I look up and see your face, with your half smile, it cuts. A cut is a deeper, more prolonged pain, a pain that makes you sob. I know you don’t bite. Im glad you said that, because it shows you don’t feel the same. You always say you don’t feel the same; but I was taught that actions speak louder than words. I hope you didn’t notice me leave. I left because you were there and the shaking of my hand meant I couldn’t hold my pen. I could feel my heart beating hard and fast, just like yours did when I used to listen. I hope you weren’t listening to mine this time, because I was trying to act like you feel. I know you, and that’s why its hard. Because I miss it. And I miss sugary tea in the mornings. You knew where I’d been, and you knew Id cut all my hair off. You wouldn’t tell me how you knew; and I cant guess. I always called you a loser, laughing, but now its all changed and we’ve both lost. I’m not laughing anymore, and judging by the amount of time I saw you spend gazing out of the window, rather than working,
neither are you.